The Weekend Recap 10.31.05

Friday
Pretty pedestrian. Steve America was unavailable, so our weekly Early Happy Hour™ didn't occur. I was absolutely beat from the week, so I just chilled with some Chinese and a Guinness. Watched Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Not bad, but the weakest in the series, despite Gary Oldman being a kickass villain (sorta...). Kiko and I played. I'll post a few more photos this week because she's grown a lot and her ears are starting to set.

Saturday
Went for a six-miler around the lake. Refreshing as hell on a crisp Fall morning. I was really surprised I was able to do six since I've been having trouble with doing four miles lately.

Took in part of the UNC game. Some ups and then way down.

Visted Steve, Danyelle, and baby Thund....uh...shit...Ethan. I have to say, Ethan is one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. My hat is off to you, Steve America. All I can say is that he really takes after the Missus.

The Friend of a Friend called a couple times to update me on plans, which seemingly kept creeping in; first meeting at 7:30, then 7:00, and finally 6:30. I'm pretty convinced that she just wanted to spend more time with me. Well, that, or she actually wanted to eat before we met her friends. I'm sure it was the latter, but my ego must be fed. Home to shower and get ready...

For the big date. The party. Get to her place and she is already dressed in costume. I think it was established that she was going as a sexy witch. And that she was. Short black skirt. Short. Fishnets. She has amazing legs. Yum. We grab some dinner at a small Italian ristoranti. Have a glass of decent chianti...a little too dry, but decent none-the-less. Back to her place afterward and I change into costume. I look good, but wow...we are certainly a dichotomous pair. Me, the pious monk. Her, the whorish witch. Anywho, we head out to meet her friends. Introductions to the friends are always an interesting dynamic. It went well, but there's always that feeling of, Hmm....I wonder what they're thinking. The friends' boyfriends are dressed as Hanz and Franz. Which was cool back in '95. To make it worse, they were in character all night long. Again...cool in '95. I digress. We make it to the first party. I'm thinking, where the fuck are all the people? As if reading my mind, FOF says, I think this is just a warm-up party. We're there all of 30 minutes, just long enough to down a vodka tonic, and we get word that we're moving out to the Party To End All Parties. I'll say this. They weren't kidding. A metric fuckton of people there, all dressed to the hilt in some amazing costumes. The liquor flowed, lots of mingling, meeting new people. And I'll have to hand it to FOF...she was very comfortable right there with me, and vice versa. I think I would've been a little put off had she stuck like glue to her girls all night, but instead, we just chatted, got close, laughed quite a bit. The party wound down and we ended up on the couch, more than a little entwined. Some making out, some intimite conversation. Very nice. We head back to her place and she changes into some PJs and I remove my costume. More making out, more intimite conversation. I find out that FOF is going to hold out on me. For some reason, I'm ok with that. I like hanging out with her. My manhood is hating me right about now, but I'm still cool with just hanging out right now. Oh, nearly forgot. She invites me to the mountains next weekend with her and and her friends. I'm a little tickled. Before leaving, I ask if she wants to come over tomorrow for some dinner and maybe watch Grey's Anatomy (which just happens to be her favorite show, and after two episodes, is quickly becoming my second favorite). Naturally, she accepts.

Sunday
After 4 hours of sleep, I drag my ass out of bed at 8:00am to let Kiko out. Only then did I realize that its not 8:00am. Its 7:00am. My life's goal at this point is to build a time machine, go back in time, and kill the person who invented Daylight Savings Time. Then, I'll travel forward several thousand years so I can save the world from the Morlocks. Just as a matter of course.

I decide that I am going to be lazy. Eat. Watch football. Play Gran Tourismo 4. Sundays are good for this type of dude activity. FOF calls and we chat for awhile. We arrange to meet early and go grab some coffee since we are both in need of caffeine. Coffee, a visit to Petsmart, a massive salad at Sweet Tomatoes, and we are back at my place. The night goes well. Still love her sense of humor. Still enjoy the hell out of her company. Still no sex. Still cool with it.

Boobs and Beer

My friend Steve America is now a father. I bid him congratulations. I mean, I'm pretty sure the simple fact that Steve America has procreated somehow damages the space-time continuum, and now the universe is going to implode, but I did want to congratulate him. His lovely wife, Dan Yelle America, birthed their son this afternoon at 1:22pm. My nephew, Thunder America...*sigh*...ok, Ethan James America, checked in at 7 lbs 7oz and 20 inches long. Steve tells me that he looks just like his father, essentially a 7lb 7oz version of him. That being the case, I asked if Thund...uh, Ethan, has had his first beer yet. He informed that he has not, but he has had plenty of boob. That being the case, I'm inclined to believe that it is, in fact, Steve's progeny...boob in one hand, beer in the other.

Congrats, buddy. Now go get your wife a cocktail before she kills again.

Top 5 Song Verses

In trying to decide what to include in this list, I noticed that I always came back to some of my favorite songs by some of my favorite artists. I thought to myself, you know, all of these tunes are fantastic musically, melodically, and those are a couple of the reasons I like them as much as I do, but is there something on a subconscious level that cements them as top songs in my mind? I wondered if I enjoyed the songs that much more because they were so fantastic lyrically. So, after some long hours listening to a lot of music last night (sometimes, blog research ain’t too bad), I decided that there was indeed a strong pull from each of these songs, something outside of the beat, the strum of the guitar, and the rhythm of voice and instrument. These lyrics spoke to me and invoked a plethora of emotional response. And I thought, that’s what music is all about…

I urge you all to add you favorite(s).

5. Bob Seger - Against The Wind

And I guess I lost my way
There were oh so many roads
I was living to run and running to live
Never worried about paying or even how much I owed
Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breaking all of the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searchin’
Searching for shelter again and again
Against the wind

Bob Seger is one of the great songwriters of our time. His musical dissertations combine love, life, and music into an amalgamation of what classic American Rock n’ Roll strives to be. Against The Wind is one such song as it details various phases of one’s life, and the feelings of struggle throughout each epoch. Young love, finding oneself, and finally, acceptance of mainstream societal life drive this song, and I think any one of us can relate to the words behind the tune.


4. U2 - Running To Stand Still

Sweet the sin, bitter the taste in my mouth
I see seven towers, but I only see one way out
You gotta cry without weeping,
talk without speaking
Scream without raising your voice
You know I took the poison, from the poison stream
Then I floated out of here, singing
Ah la la la de day
Ah la la la de day

You know, I never thought Bono a particularly great songwriter, especially in the early years of U2. But something about this particular song from the masterpiece of music that is The Joshua Tree, echoes a sentiment of melancholy and sorrow. The imagery is particularly contemplative and at times, a contradicting sense of both hope and hopelessness. The lyrics themselves might suggest how one deals with addiction, but the fantastic thing about figurative expression in song is that it is always open to personal interpretation.


3. Jimmy Buffet – Fruitcakes

Religion! Religion! Oh, there's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning.
Here we go now. Alright, alter boys.
Mea Culpa Mea Culpa Mea Maxima Culpa
Mea Culpa Mea Culpa Mea Maxima Culpa
Where's the church, who took the steeple
Religion is in the hands of some crazy-ass people
Television preachers with bad hair and dimples
The god's honest truth is it's not that simple
It's the Buddhist in you, it's the Pagan in me
It's the Muslim in him, she's Catholic ain't she?
It's the born again, look its the WASP and the Jew
Tell me what's goin on, I ain't gotta clue

Meet Mr. Buffet, lyrical genius. How classic a line is, there's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning? I guess this song just resonates with me because of the completely fucked up state the world is in with regard to religion. Now, I’m not going to go off into some theological diatribe, but just wanted to note how poignant the lyrics to this song can be. Outside of that, anything by Buffet just makes me want to kick back on the beach with a Corona. Hmm…when’s the next flight to St. Martin?


2. Led Zeppelin – Ten Years Gone

Then as it was, then again it will be
An' though the course may change sometimes
Rivers always reach the sea
Blind stars of fortune, each have several rays
On the wings of maybe, down in birds of prey
Kind of makes me feel sometimes, didn't have to grow
But as the eagle leaves the nest, it's got so far to go

I probably could’ve picked umpteen different Zeppelin songs. Page and Plant, in their alcohol, marijuana, LSD, and peyote induced states, wrote some kick-fucking-ass lyrics. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to be in one of those states yourself to completely understand what they were trying to tell you. Ten Years Gone is probably my favorite Led Zeppelin tune. Its an absolutely magnificent dynamic of melody, rhythm, and verse. Lyrically, its chock full of imagery and evocative metaphor. Um. Plus, it just rocks my nuts. Dude, pass the bong.


1. Jackson Browne - The Pretender

I'm going to find myself a girl
Who can show me what laughter means
And we'll fill in the missing colors
In each other's paint-by-number dreams
And then we'll put out dark glasses on
And we'll make love until our strength is gone
And when the morning light comes streaming in
We'll get up and do it again Get it up again

The allegory pulled from one line in this song is what compelled me to put it number one. And we'll fill in the missing colors, in each other's paint-by-number dreams. There may not be a more beautiful verse in all of song, and in fact can be likened to some great lines in classic poetry. I’m not a huge Jackson Browne fan, but this song is one of my absolute favorites, especially lyrically. I think each and every one of us could associate a time, place, feeling, or memory with a portion of this song. And boys and girls, that makes for one helluva song. God bless the Pretender, because he’s gonna get up and do it again. Amen.

Czechmate, Bitch!

Nicknames are curious concepts. They must be given by an acquaintance, friend, associate, family member, even an adversary. One cannot make up their own nickname. People laugh at the self-named individual, chiding them with derision. Nicknames can be a shortening, enhancement, or play on given names, like my own nickname, Sethro, or a Katherine being a Kat, or perhaps an A-Rod for NY Yankees 3rd baseman, Alex Rodriguez. They can be related to one's personal characteristics, for example, someone who continually trips over their own feet might be, Clutzy Joe, or a woman with blonde hair might be nicknamed That Blonde Whore Who Stole My Heart And Stomped On It With Her Prada Pumps, or even just Blondie. Nicknames can also derive from cultural backgrounds, ethnicities, or even regional affiliations. A person from Texas might be called Tex, or a black basketball player named Darryl Dawkins might have the coolest nickname ever in Chocolate Thunder.

This latter category is the one I currently wish I could claim. I'm an Anglo-mutt from North Carolina. Hmm. Whitebread Redneck? Just doesn't flow. But, if I hailed from Czechoslovakia, I could potentially be called The Czech. That, my friends, would be a sofa king cool nickname. There's just so much potential. To me, it just screams bad-ass. Perhaps a bodyguard for an evil mastermind plotting to take over the world. I can just see it now. The name would strike fear in do-gooders everywhere. Holy shit! Its The Czech! Lets get the fuck outta here before he breaks his foot off in our virtuous asses! I mean, there's no way I could pull that off with my current nickname. Sethro just doesn't strike fear into the heart of anyone. As a Sethro, my occupational choices are severely limited, to say, a middle manager for The Evil Corporate Empire, or an expert in hydroponic marijuana cultivation, or maybe a seedy janitor at a local high school, who pilfers undergarmets from the girl's locker room while they're in gym class. In addition to my circumscribed job options, I'm now associated with the buffoonery that is Jethro Bodeen from The Beverly Hillbillies. I can't even tell you how many times I've heard, Sethro? Oh, like Jethro from the Beverly Hillbilies. Fuckers. Why can't it be, Sethro? Oh, like Jethro Tull and his formidable skills as a flautist and rock god. Anyway, given the option, I want to hail from Czechoslovakia, be called The Czech, kill people with my bare hands, and just as I hear that second vertebrae snap on my latest victim, I wanna be able to say, Czechmate, Bitch! Word.

I'm A Division Manager In Charge Of 49 People!!!

There are dates, and then there are dates. Last night was the latter. FOF and I didn't do anything totally unique or out of the ordinary. No skydiving or raku firing or swing dancing. Not even a sniff of porn star sex. But it was just one of those dates. Despite the fact that this was date 1.5, it was more comparable to a first date because of the setup last week. First dates are supposed to be awkward...weird...full of anxiety. Not so last night. The comfort level was that of two people who had known each other for considerably longer than one week.

Dinner was great. Sawasdee is undoubtedly the best Thai restaurant outside of Ko Phuket. Afterwards, we headed over to Oliver Twist. Two bottles of most excellent Cabernet Sauvignon accentuated the evening. The conversation was a figurative effusion of history, thought, and emotion, and I just kept thinking to myself, we aren't supposed to be this open and communicative, at least on first dates...we're supposed to be secretive and ambiguous in our repartee. As well, I just can't get over how much I laugh with her. Again, I do not find that most chicks are funny. In talking about our emails back and forth this week and last, she mentioned that she didn't know if it was ok to send during work hours, because she didn't know how important I was. So in my best Will Ferrell, I say, I'M A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON! Know what she says? I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!! (...for those that don't get the joke, go here)After I shat myself from laughing so hard, I knew at that moment that we meshed on a completely different level. I took her back to her place. We went inside, and lots of kissing ensued. I went home, and not just because I had to let Kiko out. For some reason, it was just cooler that way.

On a related note, I have to give props to Bees. She called it. FOF invited me out to a Halloween party on Saturday night. So instead of sitting my fat ass at home as I initially thought, I'm gonna get medieval on someone's ass.

Random Thoughts For The Week

-I was thinking this morning about how a woman would feel about getting asked out while working. The thought occured to me as I was debating on whether to approach the Vet Assistant for a date. My only opportunity is when I see her at the vet. I had a similar incident at the hospital with my dad several weeks ago, where I had my eye on a nurse, but I thought to myself, the last thing she wants right now is to be hit on. Am I wrong in my suppositions, or would women find it flattering, regardless of their on the clock status?

-I have a prevailing feeling that UNC is going to get crushed this weekend by Miami. What's the saying? Revenge is a dish best served on a football field while superior athletes run over, through, and around you? Yeah, that's the one.

-Over beers, Steve America and I discussed Aquaman. He wore some sort of scaly, orange surcoat, with green trousers as a costume. Now, two questions were posed. One, wouldn't Aquaman, Friend to all Sea Life, have to kill and skin some oceanic denizen to make his titian duds? Two, what the hell kind of fish did he skin? I mean, there aren't that many orange fish out there. Did Aquaman have a secret life that no one knew about? Using his powers of fish summoning to gather and harvest Japanese Koi for their orange fish scales? Shit man, how many Clownfish were slaughtered to afford Aquaman, Lord of the Briny Deep, his fashionable raiment?

-There aren't too many times where I think I look good. Today, however, I look damn good. I have the olive cords and CK white knit oxford working. The Steve Madden's, vintage leather belt, and Wittnauer complete the look. I'd do me.

-I'm pretty bummed about All Hallow's Eve this year. I have no plans and no outlook for anything outside of sitting my fat ass at home on Saturday night. Meh.

-Holy Shit. Why is it that I now discover a zit here 8 hours before my date. Fuck.

Ruminations Of A Restless Consciousness

-I think its comical as hell when one walks in on their manager, their assistant, and a peer, talking about how hot one is, specifically how nice of an ass one has.

-Akita puppies will apparently eat anything. Babygirl's diet consists of pine straw, crickets, Eukanuba Large Breed Puppy Food, spiders, rawhide, grass, sticks, leaves, Berber carpet, toilet paper, rocks, Milkbone Puppy Treats, and any type of shoe she can get her mouth on.

-FOF likes me. She let it slip in email today that she talked to her family this weekend about me. I feel all warm and fuzzy. Of course, it could be the Petrone.

-Speaking of FOF, I have the perfect restaurant for tomorrow night's date, and I'm thinking of a certain jazz club afterward, but I'm open to ideas for the after dinner festivities.

The Weekend Recap 10.24.05

Friday
Meh. My Friday can be summed up here and here. I think I ended up crashing (or passing out...whatever, fucking semantics) at around 11ish.

Saturday
This was my day. Man Day, if you will. Went to Blockbuster and rented some football games for the X-Box, then hit Best Buy to pick up Batman Begins (as noted, fucking fantastic) and Kingdom of Heaven (review below).

Sat my ass in front of the Samsung and watched Carolina dominate Virginia. That said, my beloved Tar Heels tease me yet again with another up and down season.

Played Madden. Watched The Searchers. Still one of my favorite movies of all time.

AC called and asked if I still wanted to get together. I essentially told her that the call on Friday night was a limited time offer and that I had plans. And I did. With myself. After that conversation, I do not believe that I'll hear from her again. As well, I've made a deal with myself not to call her, drunk or sober.

Kiko and I went to the lake for a walk. Well, walk for me, leash training and socialization for her. She actually did very well for her first real time on a lead. Of course, she was the hit of the park. I'm pretty sure that everyone had to stop and say, hello, and, oh what a beautiful puppy, and, is that a husky (*ahem* no, it isn't, fucknut (sorry, but everyone thought her a husky)). Anyway, she even made a couple doggie friends. Alas, I did not, as there were no hot chicks at the lake.

Came home and watched Kingdom of Heaven. I'll just say this. If you haven't seen it, go out and rent it. Beautiful film by Ridley Scott. It may have weaseled its way into my Top 25 All-time Movies list.

Played more Madden.

I'm pretty sure that somewhere in all that, I found time to masturbate.

Sunday
Beautiful morning so I took off for a run around the lake. I've been struggling lately, most noticeably with my muscle endurance. I'm not sure what it is, but I can barely get 4 miles in without completely giving out. I'm guessing its because I'm also lifting 3 times a week as well, including a high intensity leg day. Oh well, I'll just grin and bear it for now, but I want to get back to my 5-6 miles per day soon. Maybe just a mind over matter thing. Still, I digress.

Made a call to Puppy Mama. She was unavailable, but I left a message. I've yet to hear from her. Perhaps 8 days is too long to wait to use a phone number? Anywho, since she wasn't there, I decided to call the Nursing Student to see what she was up to. The call went something like this:

Me: Hey, how are ya?
NS: Hey. I'm good...just studying. Um, what's been wrong with you lately?
Me: Uh. Um. Well. Uh. .........
NS: Because you've been acting different since Boone.
Me: Wha..wha happened was...see, um. Uh. Shit.
NS: What do you mean, Shit?
Me: Well, just that I've been thinking that I think our relationship should remain casual.
NS: I can't do the casual thing. I'm looking for a commitment.
Me: That, my dear, I cannot give you right now.
NS: Ok.
Me: Ok.
NS: Well, I guess I'll see you around.
Me: Good luck on your test. G'bye.
NS: Rot in hell, you filthy man-whore. Bye.

I made the last line up, but it was cool dramatic effect, no? So, where does that leave me? Down to one tangible prospect in FOF? It seems that way.

Anywho, had dinner with the Parentals. They just adored Kiko. Petsitters acquired. Muahahahahaha- *hurk* Damn, its hard work being an Evil Genius.

Being Drunk Are Good. Period

I am at home. 10:30pm EST at night. I have spent the past 5 hours drinking heavily with my pal, Steve America, as is now our custom on Friday night (at least until his wife, Dan Yelle, births his child). That said, I was also turned down on a Booty Call tonight by they Advertising Chick. WTF is that??? She says, What about tomorrow?. I'm thinking, only if tomorrow means the stroke of fucking midnight. Bah. She booty called me last weekend...I just assumed turnabout is fair play. A night out with the girls apparently takes precedence over great sex. Whodathunkit?

I love my puppy. She is so smart, so gorgeous, and such a good girl. Four hours by herself and no accidents!!! Not only that, but tonight she learned how to go down the steps from upstairs. I am so proud of her!! God, look at me....I'm such the Proud Papa.

I'm jonesing for some company tonight. At this point, it isn't even about the secks. Its fucking storming here and there may be nothing I love more than being in bed with someone during a storm. Shit. AC turned me down. NS is working. FOF is off with the family tonight. I never even called Puppy Mama (but I'm thinking now that I should). I did have a connection with the Vet Assistant today...she was cute and was going out of her way to be helpful with all sorts of stuff. I think I'll ask her out next time that I take Kiko in. Does me no good tonight, but to hell with it. Sometimes, its cool to be alone. At least I keep telling myself that.

Satan-errific!

Thought everyone would want to know, my blog is currently the Anti-christ. 666 people have viewed me as of this moment.

Hellfire rocks!

A Metric Fuckton Of Calories

Thought I'd check in and let everyone know that I'm not dead. The Nursing Student and I actually had a pretty good night. She is, however, still in my bed, and with that said, I'm counting down the next hour until she leaves.

We went to the State Fair. It is good to know that I can take in around 10,000 calories in just under 2 hours and not die. I ate the following, in order:

1 ear of roasted corn
1 italian sausage with onions and peppers on a roll
1 gyro with salad and yogurt dressing on pita
1 hot dog with mustard, chili, and onions
1 handful of hot peanuts
1 handful of roasted cashews
3 chocolate covered pretzels
3 fried cheese balls
1 turkey leg
1 ham biscuit
1 frozen banana, dipped in chocolate and nuts
1 fried dough with powdered sugar

Once NS leaves, I will be spending the remainder of the morning trying to find an industrial strength toilet. I don't believe mine here at the house will be able to handle the Growler that's been brewing all night in my digestive tract.

Top 5 to come later. Until then, I bid you peace, my bitches

Robble Robble, and Other Random Musings

Just call me the Hamburgler. I am craving a grilled patty of ground beef, smothered in ketchup, mayo, lettuce, onions, and tomatoes, sandwiched between two fluffy pillows of bread. I haven't had one in 3 months. I'm dyin' ova here.

FOF and I talked on the phone for 5 hours last night. Until 2:30am. I am tired. But still infatuated. Even moreso. Too many perfect matches in things we like. I am crushing hard for this one.

Work sucks ass. I mean, work in general sucks ass, and I'm still trying to come up with a way to become independantly wealthy, but I'm speaking about my job in general. The Evil Corporate Empire that I happen to be employed by, has no inclination to honor my request for more help in my area. A portion of my team is so far overworked and I am so far understaffed, it isn't funny. I have a December deliverable that might, and I mean just might, close on time if everyone puts in nights and weekends.

Lost is still the best show on television. I did start watching a little bit of Grey's Anatomy, and enjoyed that.

Kiko is getting better with housetraining. One accident last night, and one this morning right after breakfast. I have come to the conclusion that she could literally shit while she's eating.

Did I mention how smitten I am?

I talked to the NS yesterday. Damn women's intuition. Let me just say that its fucking creepy. Anyway, she must've been able to pick up on some sort of vibe. We're supposed to do something today, and she asked me if I still wanted her to come. Couple that with no, babe/sweetie/stud during the conversation as is normal, and methinks she suspects that I'm Just Not That Into Her anymore.

Yeah, I Got The Disease...

You say that we will yeah
But there ain't no guarantees
I'm major in love
But in all minor keys
'Cause falling in love is so hard on the knees

My friend Steve America says I fall in love too much, too quickly. While its a generalization, there's almost 20 years of historical evidence there to defend his argument. Now, I'm inclined to agree to a certain extent, but I can say with 100% certainty that I've only been in love three times in my life. I have been in infatuation far more. In fact, in a conversation with Ms. Bee's Knees today, I think she hit the nail on the head. I love to be infatuated with women. And I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. I dig that feeling of connection, real or imagined. I enjoy learning new things about new people, and in turn enjoy learning from these women and the relationship as a whole. I savor exploring a new body, a new mind, and a new heart. I love those feelings.

So why all the hub-bub about love and such? Well, because my meeting with the Friend of a Friend (here-to-fore known as FOF) went very well. Fantastically well. In fact, I'm having trouble containing my thoughts at work because I'm thinking about her. We hit it off instantly. There was definitely a connection. In fact, she ended up staying after Sissy and Kelly left to watch Batman Begins (fan-fucking-tastic, BTW). Got a little close, had a couple of those eye contact moments. We've already emailed a bit today. She has plans this weekend with her family, but we'll be making some plans for next week. I can't wait.

So, bottomline. Sethro loves being infatuated. The latest infatuation is the FOF. Stay tuned folks. Check back from time to time, and see how the story develops.

Turn Me Loose?

I am apparently The Loverboy. Go figure. Take the test at OK Cupid.

FACT: You embody the German principle of Konstantzusammenschaft, which is best described in English (without using the obscure English word "sammenschaft") as "eternal togethermanship". Your exact opposite: The Billy Goat Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer The Loverboy Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMm) Well-liked. Well-established. You are The Loverboy. Loverboys thrive in committed, steady relationships--as opposed to, say, Playboys, who want sex without too much attachment. You've had many relationships and nearly all of them have been successful. You're a nice guy, you know the ropes, and even if you can be a little hasty with decisions, most girls think of you as a total catch. Your hastiness comes off as spontaneity most of the time anyhow, making you especially popular in your circle of friends, too. You know not to make the typical Loverboy mistake of choosing someone who appreciates your good humor and popularity, but who offers nothing in return. You belong with someone outgoing, independent, and creative. Otherwise, you'll get bored. And then instead of surprising her with flowers or a practical joke, you'll surprise her by leaving. ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph CONSIDER: The Window Shopper, The Peach

Random Thoughts For The Week

-There are few scents and aromas that illicit a strong feeling of emotional intoxication. The smell of the turning leaves on a cool Autumn morning. The hint of honeysuckle in midsummer. Stepping out on your back porch savoring the essence of steaks on the grill. The redolence of a newborn after a bath. Nuzzling the neck of a beautiful woman, taking in the bouquet and fragrance of her skin and hair. I'm telling you now. I'm going to add the smell of puppy's breath to that list.

-UNC beat the BYE week last Saturday by 4. The line on the game was 5. At home. God, we suck.

-High school kids shouldn't be allowed to work. At least at grocery stores. Where they can forget to bag your cold cuts. That you wanted to use that night. For a sandwich. To eat. And enjoy. Little fucks.

-I'm really glad I didn't go with the 4-cylinder Eurotrash-Mobile. I have one as a loaner car while mine is being serviced, and there's just no comparison to the 6-cylinder. None.

-In 2001, there were 390,127 people in the United Kingdom who claimed their religion to be Jedi. May the force be with you, gov'ner.

-I'm meeting the Friend Of A Friend tonight for the first time. I had low expectations for all this, even though Sissy had told me she's hot. I was forwarded a picture of her this morning. Now I've got the fucking sweating of palms, biting of fingernails, shuffling of feet anxiety about the meeting. One would think I've never been out on a date with a woman before. Sheesh. Someone pass the Maker's.

-I experienced road rage for the first time today. Driving home from work, the asshole behind me in his bitchin' '99 Camaro floors it as I'm trying to merge to the left (quite obviously, I must say, what with my blinker on and my drifting in that direction). Asshole then proceeds to slow down just enough so that his rear quarterpanel is even with the front quarter of my car, causing me to have to deccelerate to get in behind him. Which made me think...cars should come standard with rocket launchers.

-More pics of Kiko...

Love At First Bite?

Just wanted to update everyone. Babygirl arrived around 3pm today. I must say...I am so in love. She is absolutely gorgeous. I've named her Akiko, Kiko for short, and it means Child of Autumn in Japanese (for those that didn't know, Akitas are originally from Japan). She's acclimating well...I think the plane ride stressed her out a bit so she's just resting right now. Here are some photos (some with my niece...I'm pretty sure they've taken to each other).

The Weekend Recap

Friday
After Friday’s Top 5, I was thirsty. I met Steve America at the Ale House at 4pm for Early Happy Hour™. By 8pm, we’re utterly hammered. I get home and fuck around on the computer for a bit and receive a phone call just before I decide its time to pass out on my couch. I got a booty call. Yes, an actual booty call. From, get this…the Advertising Chick. Had I not been fucked-in-half drunk, I would’ve been speechless. I. Did. Not. Expect. That. Anywho, she came over. There was little sleep to be had.

Saturday
Breakfast and an early exit for the Advertising Chick. Interesting. I didn’t even have to tell her that I had to get going and be on the road by 10am. We just left it as, I’ll talk to you later. Got packed and headed for Boone.

I get there and check into the resplendent lodging that is the Boone Super 8. Freshen up and head out to meet the Nursing Student's parents. Ugh. Actually, it turned out to be a real non-event. They spent 15 minutes chatting me up and we were out of there. The day was fairly pedestrian. We ended up doing some shopping. I now have some fan-fucking-tastic additions to wardrobe. Afterwards, she suggests we go back to my room so that she can see me try on the clothes to make sure they all fit. Heh. I’m giving serious consideration to changing her name to Ms. Transparent. But back to the story. We end up finding a really sensational Japanese teppanyaki-style restaurant. Honestly, one of the best I’ve ever had the pleasure to dine in. The ginger dressing actually had freshly minced ginger and peppers…wow, it was amazing. After dinner, we decide to go see a movie. We both wanted to see Domino, but the Regal Cinemas in Boone had a limited selection. We opted for Elizabethtown, with Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst. I thought it was a good movie…a little long, a little uneven and wandering in spots, but worth seeing, if for nothing else than the soundtrack. If there’s one thing Cameron Crowe can do, its put together a kickass movie soundtrack. The Nursing Student decides she wants me to try on clothes again. Sheesh. So I do. Afterwards, I take her back to her hotel. I hope her parents have forgotten what sex smells like.

Sunday
So, for the second week in a row I experienced a little slice of heaven. I could get used to this. I’m on my way home from Boone. Windows down, enjoying the crisp mountain air. I’m here to tell you, there is nothing like barreling down a winding mountain road in the Eurotrash-Mobile, at speeds generally considered unsafe, the seismic cacophony that is Tool’s cover of No Quarter thundering on the Bose. A-fucking-mazing.

Good ride home and it allowed me to do some thinking. I believe I’ve come to the decision that the Nursing Student and I are just too far apart from an overall maturity level. Small things…like humor as it relates to popular culture from the last two decades. For instance, she doesn’t get my Ted Knight impersonation, as in, she has no fucking clue who Judge Smails is, or never seen Too Close For Comfort. She thinks its funny, but only because its a funny voice, not because its Ted –fucking- Knight funny. There are other things as well. There’s this weird attraction thing with me when it comes to her. There are times I look at her and think, Damn, she looks like Teri Hatcher...other times I look and think, Meh. Then, there’s the things she says that creep me out…the, We should go skiing early next year, or the, I found something I want to get you for Christmas. I mean, why do we need to talk about Christmas presents and such? So what does all that mean? I have no clue. She fills the sex and companionship void. Fuck it…I guess its enough for now.

So Sunday was relaxing. Good run around the lake and was able to take in some football. Panthers squeezed one out. Prepare for Babygirl. Just a good chill night.

Top 5 Adult Libations

Not including wine. That's an entirely separate category.

For Steve...

5. Stout
Guinness. Rocks. Damn, I want to go to Hibernian now. And I mean right now. I'm thirsty. When I finally make it to Ireland, I'm going to St. James Gate, and I will be taking the Homer Simpson At The Duff Factory style tour. That is, I'm going to drink lots while I'm there.

4. Hefeweizen
Dominion, Pyramid, Widmer. These are incredibly tasty beers, normally with a healthy taste of hops, while having nearly no bitterness. Strong, crisp flavor. I'll look for these as a great chill beer. Also of note here, in the same kinda-sorta family, would have to be the Belgian White's, like Blue Moon and Hoegaarden. Awesome brews. Plus, I just wanted to say Hoegaarden.

3. Grey Goose and Soda
With a twist of lime. No sugar in this drink, so for one, its low cal....two, no sugar means hangovers aren't nearly as bad. The lime really subdues the drink and can easily make one forget how many drinks they've had. A fantastic alternative to the stiffer brown liquors, and a considerably more sophisticated drink than the Vodka Red Bulls that are so pervasive in today's bar scene.

2. Maker's and Ginger
Now, I will fight anyone who dares question the fact that Maker's Mark is hand's down, the best Kentucky Bourbon. Hook up the IV, Doc. Seriously, this is one of the best sipping drinks that you can order. This also happens to be my drink of choice for a night on the town or a pre-dinner cocktail.

1. Lager
Good ol' fashioned beer. Fuck yeah. Pilsner, Dry, Lite, Pales, Bocks. What'll ya have? Pabst Blue Ribbon....What'll ya have? Paaaabst Bluuuuue Ribbbboooon. Let's see...Yuneglings, Kirin Ichiban, Bohemia, Amstel Light, Flying Dog Doggie Style, Fat Tire, Southampton, Corona, Miller Lite. My God, the list goes on. I am jonesing for beer. Now, get the fuck outta the way, the bar beckons.

Oh Ye Of Little Faith...

Last week I received recommendations from both Steve America and Philly Paul (formerly known as Jersey Paul) that I not get a dog. The primary reasoning for this recommendation was that my dating life would be severely impacted. That very well may turn out to be true when it comes to sleep overs, but life is all about balance and harmony. Equilibrium is maintained by the fact that dogs, especially puppies, are just about the best chick magnet that a guy could have. Well, outside of a massive trouser-snake, and I can't find anyone that seems to sell those. So dog it is.

So how is all this relevant and what is the point of this post, you ask? Well, last night I went to Petsmart (By the way, are they going for Pet's Mart or Pet Smart?) to pick some things up for babygirl. I'm there looking at collars and I'm joined by a super cute German Sheperd pup, named Rascal. Rascal apparently enjoys belly rubs and pissing himself. So I meet Rascal's owner. In talking, we exchange names (we'll just call her Puppy Mama) and go figure, she just happens to be cute as a fucking button. I do not know if she also enjoys belly rubs. I hope so. Pissing herself is optional, but I kinda hope we can avoid that. Anywho, we chat a little more, and questions what kind of puppy I have. I tell her that I'll be picking up my Akita on Monday and that I'm so excited, I'm pretty sure a couple drops of pee came out. She suggests a play date for next weekend. I happily accept and we make tentative plans to get the kids together.

I think I'm going to like being a pet owner.

The Itsy Bitsy Spider...

...climbed right into my mouth...

Did you know? While asleep, the average human will eat 8 spiders in their lifetime. That's 8 too many for me. I don't like spiders. Especially those that crawl in my mouth when I'm asleep. Don't get me wrong, I normally don't mind spiders who are not inside my house. In fact, they're good for controlling mosquitoes, no-see-ums, flies, chiggers, and other annoying biting insects. That said, they should stay the out of my house. Oh, and out of my fucking mouth.

Did you know? Sharks are the only animals who never get sick. They are immune to every known disease, including cancer. Can someone tell me why every government and pharmacuetical lab in the world aren't knee deep in shark DNA trying to wipe out the major killers of our generation?

Did you know? It is possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs. That begs three questions. One, how do you get the cow down? Two, who the fuck took their cow up a flight of stairs and figured out this absolutely useless piece of trivia? Three, how much money was wasted in scientific experiments trying to reproduce this phenomenon?

Did you know? Ants will never cross a chalk line. Had I know this as a child, I would've put away the magnifying glass and pulled out the chalk. Insect torture can be so much fun as an 8 year old boy. That said, I am now a firm believer in instant karma, and feel that the number of insects you kill and/or torture is directly proportionate to the number of mosquito bites you'll receive in a lifetime. That, or the number of spiders you'll eat.

Random Thoughts for the Week

-Something Steve America said in a comment post reminded me...I want Anna Nalick to have my children.

-I'll be picking up my new puppy one in six days. I'm beside myself with anticipation. That said, and despite this kennel having some of the most perfect Akitas I've ever seen, the breeders are complete and utter fucktards when it comes to the business side of things. I still do not have flight information from them, so all I know is that sometime on Monday, I need to be at the airport. I'll have to pull together a blogpost to talk about everything else that has frustrated the absolute shit out of me.

-Craigslist is usually comical as hell to check out. Until a dude references one's psuedo-girlfriend in an attempt to meet her.

-Speaking of psuedo-girlfriends, I'm going to the mountains this weekend. The Nursing Students parents will be there. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. I think I need a hot, drunk, one-night-stand-type chick to fuck some sense into me. I'm available Friday night.

-What is one's rationale for the way they put toilet paper on the holders. Are you an over person, letting the hockey tickets hang from the top? Or are you an under person, preferring to pull your ass rags from the back?

The Weekend Recap

Hooowheee! Doozy of a weekend. Not.

Friday
Uneventful. Went for a run. Ate cereal. Decide I want to do a dude weekend since no plans have been made. Watched Yojimbo for the 43rd time. Guess what? Its still one of the best movies ever, and it still makes me want to carry a sword and dare someone to look at me wrong. Went to bed.

Saturday
Coffee is good. Coffee with cereal is even better. I run at the lake in the rain. It is zen.

Shit....Louisville scored again. Dad and I pack it in at halftime and decide that fajitas and Bohemia's are a considerably more appetizing alternative to the debacle that occured in Ken-Tuck-Eee.

Watched Be Cool. Now, I love Elmore Leonard...he's a fantastic writer, but this movie probably shouldn't have been made. That, or just made better. I mean, it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't the book.

Sunday
I think I experienced a little slice of heaven on Sunday morning. The Cuisinart has reached icon status. In fact, I'm pretty sure there's a small tribe in Polynesia that worships my coffee maker. I enjoy coffee while reading the Sunday paper, and watch Norah Jones and the Handsome Band on HDTV.

I run some errands and watch football. My testosterone levels equalize.

Yankees win. Braves lose (I told ya so...).

Enjoy some online conversation with my new friend. Afterwards, I decide to call the Advertising Chick. The talk goes well, and I apologize for the way things went down last weekend. She accepts my apology, but continues to feel both regret for the way she handled the situation, and uncertainty about being able to see me. I just tell her that, while I enjoy hanging out with her, I cannot commit to anything more than a casual relationship at this time. She understands. We end the conversation cordially, but I have a feeling that she's going to be moving on. Probably for the best.

Epilogue
All is well. I feel balanced. Life is damn good. That said, someone needs to take me out this Friday night and get me fucked-in-half drunk. Any takers?

Pass The Ritalin

I am a walking dichotomy. A living paradox. I am the unequivocal conundrum. Or maybe I just have ADHD. I spent six years in a marriage where every day, I essentially wished I were single and alone. Now that I'm single and alone, I miss having someone around. That is, until I have someone around, then I pretty much want to be alone. I'm convinced I can't be happy. I'm confident that I'm somewhat bipolar.

Austin City Limits is a great show.

I say again...ADHD.

Now, where was I. Oh yes...my Janusian ways. I'm sitting here at midnight-thirty, alone by choice, watching PBS. I've had a great dude night, watching dude movies, drinking dude beer. Yet here at the end of the night, I want companionship. Not in the Smoking Hot Porn Star Sex way...I'm too fucking tired for that right now anyway (well...maybe not), but honestly, in the I Want To Fall Asleep With Someone way. Shit, now I sound all chick-like. But you get what I'm saying. Maybe its just convenient co-dependence. Who the fuck knows.

Oh, for those who care about such things, I'm pretty sure Lousiville just scored again.

Anywho, don't cry for me (...I'm already dead - who said that, on what show? Correct answer gets a prize). I'll be fine tomorrow. In the meanwhile, I'm finally posting some pics of the living room in Casa de Sethro. Feng shui, bitches.

Top 5 Hottest Celebrities

Boys and girls, this is my list. I'll be the first to admit that my taste in women isn't necessarily typical. I don't tend to the blonde, blue-eyed bombshell type. So I know this Top 5 will spark at least one comment from one *cough* anonymous *cough* reader.


5. Kelly Hu
So hot, it should be illegal. There are an awful lot of asian women that are exotic and beautiful. I'm pretty sure Kelly Hu is their queen or princess or something, sorta like Wonder Woman, only with asians instead of amazons. As an added bonus, she can kick ass, so you'd always feel safe with her...I mean, despite the fact that all asians know martial arts, did you see her in X-Men? I wouldn't mind going a few rounds with her, as long as she tended to my wounds later. Uh...she did a photo spread in Maxim.

4. Andrea Corr
My Celtic Goddess. Yes, she's drop-dead gorgeous, but I swear, I could probably just close my eyes and listen to her sing, or even talk, and get a little aroused. I'm putting on the Corr's Unplugged, Only When I Sleep. Yup. Just a little aroused. If the looks and the voice weren't enough, she's a mick, so you know she'll drink with me. And....and....she has hot sisters. A family of hot, talented, gaelic drunk chicks...it must be what Tír na nÓg is like. I hope since I'm half-mick that I'll be invited to the party.


3. Scarlett Johannson
She and I fell in love while I was watching Lost in Translation. Ok, well maybe she didn't, but I sure as shit did. My only blonde on the list, that oughta tell you a little about what I think about Ms. Scarlett. A classic beauty and one helluva actress, she's a modern day Rita Hayworth. Here I go again, but damn...the voice. The voice completes the package...its fucking sultry and like caterpillar to butterfly, it transforms her from screen starlet to #3 on Sethro's Hot Celebs list.


2. Halle Berry
She is the most beautiful woman in the world. Chick just has it all...blessed with incredible features, fantastic body, great smile, and the short hair just does me in. Woof. The only reason she isn't #1 is because outside of Monster's Ball, her sexiness factor isn't quite surface of the sun hot. I want to say more about her, but I can't stop looking at her picture. The only thing I can convey is that Dave Justice and Eric Benet are unequivocally the two stupidest men in the world...nay, the universe.


1. Eva Longoria
.....................................woof. BbbbBBBbbbbBBBbbbb. Ok, ok, I'm composed now. Wait. *drool* Ok, now I'm composed. I dunno folks, I'm just not sure how you get any more smoking hot than Eva Longoria. She oozes sexiness. Ooo. Zes. For God's sake, you have men watching what would traditionally be a chick show in Desperate Housewives because of the aggregate hotness factor, and folks, Mrs. Gabriella Solis is one of the primary reasons for said factor. Maxim says she's #1 on the Hot 100. The evidence is insurmountable...plus, I says so. And I will fight anyone who dares question my infallibility.

Well I Be Damned...Part Deux

The unexpected happened. I received an email a short time ago. From the Advertising Chick. An apologetic email. From the Advertising Chick. She was apologizing to me. W. T. F. I have to share.

I'm sorry. I overreacted on Sunday but I hope you understand why I was so upset. I know we talked about us not being a couple, but I didn't expect you to be sleeping with anyone else. I sure as hell didn't expect to find her hair in your bathroom (God, please tell me it was just ONE woman's hair). It still turns my stomach to think about it.

((stuff about how she's not supposed to feel like this about someone since we've only been out a few times))

I don't know what I expect out of this email. It isn't fair to ask you to change the way you live your life and see only me and I'm not sure I can deal with thinking about what you might be doing and who you might be doing it with when we aren't together. Maybe you don't even care to see me at all after the way I reacted. I hope that we can talk and I hope that I'll hear from you.

Wow. I'm fucking speechless. Must be the AXE body spray, just like in the commercials.

The Brain Dump Becomes a Democracy (For One Day)

What is your opinion on this week's Top 5?

Top 5 Adult Libations Top 5 Reasons I'm A Fucktard and/or Insensitive Prick Top 5 Albums I'd Want To Have On A Deserted Island Top 5 Hottest Female Celebrities Top 5 Reasons I'm Getting My Dog

Me Am Superman (And Other Random Musings)

-The Nursing Student and I hung out last night at her place. She cooked dinner for me and wouldn't ya know, she's fucking Rachel Ray in the kitchen. Hmm...come to think of it, Rachel Ray is hot as balls too. I digress. Everything she makes is fantastic. Throughout the cooking process, she's making a supreme mess...countertops, sink, floor, stove, you name it. She attempts cleaning as she goes, but its half-hearted. At the end of the night, after dinner, after cleaning, I peek in the kitchen. At first glance, its not bad. But then I look at the stovetop...its covered in grease. I feel a whitehead forming just looking at the oil-soaked stove. There are two pieces of eggplant that are now fixtures on the floor. I am convinced that she is Bizarro Ex-Wife. See, Ex-Wife couldn't boil water. But she kept the cleanest house EVAR. Like I would have no qualms literally eating off the floor in her house. In the kitchen, Nursing Student is a perfect compliment to my Bobby Flay-like abilities on the grill. But, I'm surprised she hasn't slipped on a patch of grease and split her skull open by now. All that said, her place isn't a mess. She's tidy, she just doesn't put a whole lot of time into the OCD-type cleaning I've been used to. Even MZ kept one of the cleaner homes I've ever been in. Problem is, I'm not sure if this recent revelation on cleaning is a positive or negative for the Nursing Student. Maybe it doesn't even matter...she is currently meeting two primal needs...she's one helluva cook and she's a tiger between the sheets.

-I'm in a funky mood. For some reason, I've thought about MZ quite a bit today. Passing thoughts I'm sure, but its odd that they come on right now, since I've had quite the sense of clarity on the matter over the past month. I've come to the realization that breakups still suck, but single life ain't so bad.

-People who wear weightlifting gloves with machine weights should be bitch slapped. Its absurd. Its a fashion statement at that point. Weighlifting gloves were meant to protect the hands from the rough metal of barbells and dumbells. Machine weights grips are padded...plush...comfortable. Stupid fucks.

-I want to fight someone. Its been forever since I've been in a good fight.

-My genius is equalled only by my absent-mindedness. Let us recollect the events of Sunday night. Evidence was found that led to the demise of the perfectly sanguine relationship between the Advertising Chick and myself. Had she not found said evidence, there was plenty of additional evidence in the trash can that I was completely oblivious to. I am officially a fucktard.

Be Afraid...Be Very Afraid

I may, or may not, work for a company that just might have developed webdata mining technology. That technology, if it were truly existent, might hypothetically allow a government agency; for instance, the FBI, or CIA, or NSA; to search keywords across every website on the internet in the matter of minutes. Every website. Minutes. Is it just me, or is anyone else creeped out by the Big Brother potential rendered to the US Gubment?

I mean, we see this kind of shit in movies all the time, but I've also seen hobbits in movies. And I know they aren't real. Well, except for the pregnant hobbit that's married to my friend, Steve America. But she doesn't count. Anyway, I digress. Its just a little scary actually confirming what has been an Orwellian fantasy up to this point.

Three cheers for Homeland Security.

Random Thoughts for the Week

-I think my 4 year old nephew is a child prodigy when it comes to electronics. Last time he was over, he takes out a DVD, puts it in the player, grabs the remote, presses just the right buttons, and the DVD starts. My ex-wife couldn't work this thing. My engineer father couldn't work this thing. Hell, even I get confused from time to time. Not only am I impressed, I've contacted MIT to start planning his future. His parents won't mind. MIT isn't that expensive. Is it?

-Things that are sucktacular (in no particular order):
Mutant camel crickets, like the ones in my garage
Condoms...all brands, all styles
Unretractable statements of commitment
Ingrown hairs and razor bumps
Tapered jeans

-Things that rock my nuts (in no particular order):
Akira Kurosawa films
Albacore tuna wraps with wasabi mustard
Whole Foods grocery stores
Mutual attraction
Receiving unexpected email
Kenneth Cole

-I wouldn't want to be a stripper in Seattle. Or worse, a strip-joint patron in Seattle.

-Anyone want to bet that the Astros beat the Braves in the 1st round of the NL playoffs.

-I had no idea my future wife was already married. With this news and with the events of this weekend, I am convinced that my best recourse is moving to Tibet and becoming a Buddhist monk.

-A decision has to be made this week on whether I get my puppy. I want one. Badly. I'm just in love with this little girl, but I know that money might be better spent on the house. Help me, blog readers...you're my only hope.


EDIT: One more thing that happens to be sucktactular:
Those fucking cheap ass coffee cups from Starbucks

Love At First Flight

I'm pretty sure I had one of those moments. I'm running at the lake this evening, on mile number three, heading around the amphitheatre. Two women are walking on the track with food in their hands, heading toward the amphitheatre. One has on an NC State t-shirt. The other is in a nice shirt and slacks, like she's just left one of the office buildings around the area. She is stunning. Short brown hair, gorgeous face with a fantastic smile. I am smitten.

Hot. Sweaty. Stinky. Not necessarily the way I want to approach a woman for the first time, but I can't not talk to her if I ever see her again. I hope she eats out there regularly.

The Weekend Recap

Woof. What a doozy.

Friday
Start the day by having breakfast with the Nursing Student. Afterwards, she heads home and I roll out to pick up my living room furniture with the brother-in-law. Get home and get it set up...this shit looks phenomenal (pictures still to come). Note that the Top 5 for Friday is going to be late.

Meet up with Steve, Dan Yelle, Stephen, and Kim later that night for dinner and adult beverages. The girls leave and us fellas continue to hang and watch the Yankees lose to the Red Sux. We had a good time outside of the Yanks losing...beer was tasty, scenery was fantastic. Must've been hot chick night at the Ale House. It was actually kinda funny...we were at the bar and this nice looking blonde comes up and sits beside me. She's got on a Hideki Matsui jersey so I strike up a conversation (since Godzilla is also my favorite Yankee). Turns out she has a boyfriend...who's standing right behind her. Yet that doesn't stop her from getting all touchy feely right in front of him. Like hand-on-my-thigh touchy feely. Sheesh...maybe they have an open relationship or something. Stephen's looking at me with this big grin on his face and says, Maybe she wants a new boyfriend? I think, she could've had one for a night ;)

So everyone knows that alcohol makes one do fucked up shit. I am not immune to its devilish ways. On the way home, I call the Nursing Student. Not really a drunk dial, since I wasn't really drunk and I wasn't really that horny, though I probably would've driven to Chapel Hill given the chance. Anyway, I proceed to intimate that maybe I wanted our relationship to be more exclusive than I initially let on. Ugh. Not that I don't like her...I certainly do...but I'm still pretty sure I have no idea what I want right now. I end the night in bed trying to think of how I'm going to retract that statement. I decide that faking my own death might be the best alternative.

Saturday
Use my new Cuisinart Grind n' Brew coffee maker. Great cup of coffee. Nice run around the lake to start the morning.

Since the UNC game wasn't on television, I was able to get some things done around the house while listening to the game on the radio. UNC blasts a pretty good Utah team. That feeling of hope in the season is returning.

Yanks win. Clinch the division.

The Nursing Student comes over and fawns all over the new furniture and my mad HGTV decorating skillz. We decide to head out and grab some coffee since we'd already eaten dinner. Plus, we have some time to kill before the movie. In talking, I keep having these dichotomous feelings of being incredibly drawn to her, meanwhile, focusing on minor flaws (things she says that show her age, her hairstyle, etc). All this time, I have this WWF Summerslam-type conflict going on inside me, with the title two contenders, The Commited Avenger and Thunderslut, duking it out for supremacy of my psyche. Turns out there's a double disqualification as the Avenger throws Thunderslut over the top rope, just as Thunderslut's manager, Jimmy Hart, crushes the Avenger's knee with a steel chair. Guess that decision will have to wait. Anyway, we go see A History of Violence and the movie is fantastic. Great performances by all, especially Ed Harris and William Hurt. Plus, Maria Bello is not so hard on the eyes. I highly recommend the movie. Get back home and it turns into a late night. Woof...thank God for korean ginseng and maca.

Sunday
We get up and have more delicious coffee from my now favorite purchase, the Cuisinart. Decide to get dressed and have some lunch at Carraba's. Now, the night before, I looked at her hairstyle as a minor flaw. Today, she flat irons it. Holy shit. Me likey. I tell her that me likey. Anywho, lunch was great...I love their Spiedino di Mare. Seeing as how I need a dining room table and a new bedroom suite, we go furniture shopping. Actually find some stuff that I really like...oddly enough, the Nursing Student and I have almost the exact same taste in furniture. Again, this is no shock, since I'm still convinced that she's the female me at age 24. Head back to the house because she has to go back to the Hill to study, and I have to prep for another date. Before leaving, she decides that she is in need. I decide that she is insatiable, and that I'm going to have to start investing in Cialis if I'm going to keep up with more than one woman.

The night starts off well enough but quickly turns into a disaster. I cancel my order of Cialis, watch Desperate Housewives, and go to bed.

Well I Be Damned...

Who knew women were so perceptive. Or jealous. Obviously, I kid...I know they're both. The Advertising Chick just left in a frenzy of tears and fuck you's. Shit. What happened, you ask? Well, she came over about an hour ago and since we haven't seen each other in awhile, we decided to hang some pictures (I know, its getting old. I promise, this'll be the last time I use it). Well, afterwards, she's in the bathroom and I hear, What the FUCK is this? She comes back into the bedroom holding something in her hands...its hard to see, but it looks like long strands of dark hair...um, The Nursing Student's hair. Wow. Shit. Nothing like being de-balled in your own house, in your own bed, while lying there naked as a jaybird (yeah, yeah...un-needed imagery, I know). So I'm trying to explain that we talked about the non-exclusive nature of the relationship, but I don't think she's listening. In fact, I'm sure she isn't because she's dressing and throwing her stuff in her overnight bag. She leaves and lets me know what an insensitive prick I am. I agree with her. Ugh.

So, what did I learn from this experience?

#1 - Always clean up after one woman leaves and before another arrives.

#2 - Women are okay hearing that the relationship isn't exclusive, but they don't want evidence of the fact that you're fucking other women thrown in their face.

#3 - I am an insensitive prick.

Top 5 TV Theme Songs

I'll just have to preface this Top 5 post by saying, holy shit. After thinking on this one for several hours, I began realizing that I could literally do a Top 50 on this topic. Hell, I thought my Top 5 Childood Cartoons was tough. Adding to the sheer number of great theme songs, was the difficult process of separating the theme song from the actual television show. There have been great theme songs for shitty TV shows, so I had to remember what this Top 5 is about. I'm sure I'll get some comments, telling me how wrong I am, but that's ok because I understand that inferior intellects sometimes like to voice their ridiculous opinions. So, without further ado...

5. The Munsters
Kicking off the list is the theme song from The Munsters. I realize that this one might get a bit of argument from the rogues' gallery. That's ok. I'm fine with a little bit of criticism. This tune was just a perfect mix of 60's surf music (think shades of Dick Dale), melodic creepiness, with a chorus echoing the show's comedic nature. Hell, just listening to it makes we want to get up and boogie a little bit. Yes, that's right, I said boogie.

4. Happy Days (Original)
There were two theme songs for Happy Days. One, the original, was performed by Bill Haley and the Comets. The other, more sucktacular, performed by The Four Freshmen. Honestly, there isn't even a comparison in quality. The original Happy Days song conveyed the feel of a show set in the 1950's...it was Happy Days. Its actually quite the study in the history of Happy Days to note the change in theme songs coincided with the change to the overall feel to the show (e.g. more Fonzie, introduction of Chachi, moving to a live studio audience, etc). Essentially, the changed marked the beginning of the end of Happy Days. That should say something about why this song is far superior.

3. Sanford & Son
There are just some TV Theme songs that invoke themselves in one's mind in certain situations. Sanford & Son is one of them. How many times have you seen a beat up truck, bed full of crap, tooling down the road, and this song pops into your head? How many times has that song been followed by a memory of a, Lamont, you big dummy, or, 'Lizabeth, I'm comin' ta join you honey, or my personal favorite, Champipple.... ? Just one of those tunes that is hard to get out of your head, and honestly, its not one that you really mind hanging out in the dark recesses of your mind.

2. The Dukes of Hazzard
Two words. Waylon Jennings. Is there anyone in my generation (and now this latest generation with the new movie (what is it now, Generation S, or something?)) that can't recite every single word to this classic theme song? C'mon, sing it with me now... Just some good 'ol boys...Never meanin' no harm...Beats all you never saw, been in trouble with the law since the day they was born. Pure bliss. I can still see the image from the intro...Denver Pyle as Uncle Jesse shaking his finger at the boys. Making their way, the only way they now how...That's just a little bit more than the law will allow... Yeeeeee (yeeee) - HAAWWW!!

1. Hill Street Blues
Never mind that the Stephen Bochco drama was one of the best television shows ever to grace the boob tube, the theme song is just unforgettable. Beautifully composed by Mike Post, the godfather of television theme songs, it delivers an emotional cornucopia of melody that fits masterfully to the gritty sentiment of the cop drama. Technically, the tune is great...richly textured, fantasic instrumental work. As well, it really conveys to the popular music of the time, almost like Lionel Ritchie could jump in and turn it into a Top 40 song. All in all, its one of those few songs that can actually tug at emotional heartstrings, both inclusive and exclusive of the television show itself.

Completely Massive List of Honorable Mention (or, Tied for #6)
Hawaii Five-O, The Love Boat, Bonanza, Good Times, Magnum P.I., Gilligan's Island, Welcome Back Kotter, Miami Vice, CHiPs, Barney Miller, The Greatest American Hero, Taxi, Hogan's Heroes, The X-Files, Cheers, The Jefferson's, Star Trek, Moonlighting, Batman, Lost in Space, M*A*S*H, Mission Impossible, What's Happening, The Odd Couple, The Wild Wild West, Rawhide, The Andy Griffith Show, The Price Is Right, My Three Sons, The Benny Hill Show