Me Am Superman (And Other Random Musings)
-The Nursing Student and I hung out last night at her place. She cooked dinner for me and wouldn't ya know, she's fucking Rachel Ray in the kitchen. Hmm...come to think of it, Rachel Ray is hot as balls too. I digress. Everything she makes is fantastic. Throughout the cooking process, she's making a supreme mess...countertops, sink, floor, stove, you name it. She attempts cleaning as she goes, but its half-hearted. At the end of the night, after dinner, after cleaning, I peek in the kitchen. At first glance, its not bad. But then I look at the stovetop...its covered in grease. I feel a whitehead forming just looking at the oil-soaked stove. There are two pieces of eggplant that are now fixtures on the floor. I am convinced that she is Bizarro Ex-Wife. See, Ex-Wife couldn't boil water. But she kept the cleanest house EVAR. Like I would have no qualms literally eating off the floor in her house. In the kitchen, Nursing Student is a perfect compliment to my Bobby Flay-like abilities on the grill. But, I'm surprised she hasn't slipped on a patch of grease and split her skull open by now. All that said, her place isn't a mess. She's tidy, she just doesn't put a whole lot of time into the OCD-type cleaning I've been used to. Even MZ kept one of the cleaner homes I've ever been in. Problem is, I'm not sure if this recent revelation on cleaning is a positive or negative for the Nursing Student. Maybe it doesn't even matter...she is currently meeting two primal needs...she's one helluva cook and she's a tiger between the sheets.
-I'm in a funky mood. For some reason, I've thought about MZ quite a bit today. Passing thoughts I'm sure, but its odd that they come on right now, since I've had quite the sense of clarity on the matter over the past month. I've come to the realization that breakups still suck, but single life ain't so bad.
-People who wear weightlifting gloves with machine weights should be bitch slapped. Its absurd. Its a fashion statement at that point. Weighlifting gloves were meant to protect the hands from the rough metal of barbells and dumbells. Machine weights grips are padded...plush...comfortable. Stupid fucks.
-I want to fight someone. Its been forever since I've been in a good fight.
-My genius is equalled only by my absent-mindedness. Let us recollect the events of Sunday night. Evidence was found that led to the demise of the perfectly sanguine relationship between the Advertising Chick and myself. Had she not found said evidence, there was plenty of additional evidence in the trash can that I was completely oblivious to. I am officially a fucktard.
-I'm in a funky mood. For some reason, I've thought about MZ quite a bit today. Passing thoughts I'm sure, but its odd that they come on right now, since I've had quite the sense of clarity on the matter over the past month. I've come to the realization that breakups still suck, but single life ain't so bad.
-People who wear weightlifting gloves with machine weights should be bitch slapped. Its absurd. Its a fashion statement at that point. Weighlifting gloves were meant to protect the hands from the rough metal of barbells and dumbells. Machine weights grips are padded...plush...comfortable. Stupid fucks.
-I want to fight someone. Its been forever since I've been in a good fight.
-My genius is equalled only by my absent-mindedness. Let us recollect the events of Sunday night. Evidence was found that led to the demise of the perfectly sanguine relationship between the Advertising Chick and myself. Had she not found said evidence, there was plenty of additional evidence in the trash can that I was completely oblivious to. I am officially a fucktard.
posted by sethro at 2:34:00 PM
4 Comments:
You want to fight someone huh? I don't recall you actually getting into a fight at least since you were 14 or so and maybe longer. A twenty year layoff only works if you're George Foreman....and you're not Nancy boy. Beating up another dudes hands with your face WILL hurt.
Steve America, two things. One, while not as skilled as Mr. Foreman, I'm in far better shape. Two, I haven't been in a fight in that long because I've been trying to keep you out of them.
Bees, you forgot one crucial element. The Jennifer Beals cut-off sweatshirt. Methinks that would complete the ensemble.
Topless? Hold on...I, uh, think I, erm, dropped something............Ok, I'm back. Yes, topless is just fine.
Now about that litter. My evil machinations have been spoiled by corporate America once again. A trip to the left coast is improbable. I am, however, still devoted to our cause of furthering the evolution of the human race with our genetically and fashionably superior children. I could always freeze my sperm, but that wouldn't be nearly as fun. I'm open to suggestions, O' Future Mother Of My Children...
A spermcicle it is. For the betterment of the genepool, the GAFSC must become a reality. I did run out of ice cubes for the cooler, so there's some packs of frozen broccoli in there helping to keep "the boys" frigid. Do with it what you will.
That said, if a litter is being planned, I now have 10 months or so to devise a fiendishly evil plan to "co-author" the next whelp the old fashioned way. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA -urk *cough* ...goddamned evil laughs are so hard on the throat.
Post a Comment
<< Home