The Itsy Bitsy Spider...
...climbed right into my mouth...
Did you know? While asleep, the average human will eat 8 spiders in their lifetime. That's 8 too many for me. I don't like spiders. Especially those that crawl in my mouth when I'm asleep. Don't get me wrong, I normally don't mind spiders who are not inside my house. In fact, they're good for controlling mosquitoes, no-see-ums, flies, chiggers, and other annoying biting insects. That said, they should stay the out of my house. Oh, and out of my fucking mouth.
Did you know? Sharks are the only animals who never get sick. They are immune to every known disease, including cancer. Can someone tell me why every government and pharmacuetical lab in the world aren't knee deep in shark DNA trying to wipe out the major killers of our generation?
Did you know? It is possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs. That begs three questions. One, how do you get the cow down? Two, who the fuck took their cow up a flight of stairs and figured out this absolutely useless piece of trivia? Three, how much money was wasted in scientific experiments trying to reproduce this phenomenon?
Did you know? Ants will never cross a chalk line. Had I know this as a child, I would've put away the magnifying glass and pulled out the chalk. Insect torture can be so much fun as an 8 year old boy. That said, I am now a firm believer in instant karma, and feel that the number of insects you kill and/or torture is directly proportionate to the number of mosquito bites you'll receive in a lifetime. That, or the number of spiders you'll eat.
Did you know? While asleep, the average human will eat 8 spiders in their lifetime. That's 8 too many for me. I don't like spiders. Especially those that crawl in my mouth when I'm asleep. Don't get me wrong, I normally don't mind spiders who are not inside my house. In fact, they're good for controlling mosquitoes, no-see-ums, flies, chiggers, and other annoying biting insects. That said, they should stay the out of my house. Oh, and out of my fucking mouth.
Did you know? Sharks are the only animals who never get sick. They are immune to every known disease, including cancer. Can someone tell me why every government and pharmacuetical lab in the world aren't knee deep in shark DNA trying to wipe out the major killers of our generation?
Did you know? It is possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs. That begs three questions. One, how do you get the cow down? Two, who the fuck took their cow up a flight of stairs and figured out this absolutely useless piece of trivia? Three, how much money was wasted in scientific experiments trying to reproduce this phenomenon?
Did you know? Ants will never cross a chalk line. Had I know this as a child, I would've put away the magnifying glass and pulled out the chalk. Insect torture can be so much fun as an 8 year old boy. That said, I am now a firm believer in instant karma, and feel that the number of insects you kill and/or torture is directly proportionate to the number of mosquito bites you'll receive in a lifetime. That, or the number of spiders you'll eat.
posted by sethro at 9:37:00 AM
8 Comments:
OK - about the sharks - ummm hello don't you remember Deep Blue Sea? of course the Guv'ment is years ahead now thanks to Samuel L getting his body torn in half.
And as for the cows - I think you need to be asking some of those dubious 'relatives' (though not really now right?) in that other Southern state why they thought they needed to take the cow up to their bedroom to 'hang pictures'... ;)
I tend to surround myself with smartasses.
Paul, I can just hear Samuel L now...That HURT, muthafucka. And, you are correct sir, they are relatives no longer ;)
Brian, the goddamned cow won't come down now. I need some sort of lift and pulley system.
According to a recent game I played of Cranium, sharks CAN get cancer. It was quite a bummer, as our team lost a point!
Kristin, you are correct. Those sonsabitches on the internet site I was on lied to me. Who knew that you couldn't trust everything you read on the internet???
The truth is here. At the very least, next time I'm playing Cranium, I'll have at least one answer correct.
And while I want to thank you for the useless trivia lesson today, wtf? Were all the porn sites busy? Did you hear a southern accent and decide to be smarter than the average bubba? Or are we just boning up on random bits of info to distract the parents from realizing you are boning their daughter?
...not when they are hanging off the end of a harpoon.
I'm a firm believer that everyone should hold at least twenty points of useless trivia in their heads at all times. For God's sake, one never knows when one might need to know an inane nugget of knowledge, like the fact that pearls will melt in vinegar. Plus, it always helps to distract parents if they do get keen to the fact that one might happen to be boning their daughter, in which case one can throw out a gem like, did you know that when the moon is directly overhead, you weigh slightly less? While they contemplate, one can easily run away.
Two interesting and accurate points by both Steve America and Siryn. As in life, its all about perspective.
Mote Aquarium in Sarasota, FLA is where the majority of the shark research in the US is done.
Point? None really. Just sayin'.
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