Red Alert! Battlestations! All Personnel To General Quarters!

While it may turn out to be a false alarm, I thought it best to warn everyone in the central North Carolina area that there may, or may not, be a large explosive projectile headed our way. I can only assume that it will actually pass us by in favor of our southern neighbor, Hot'lanta. For the backstory, you can go here. I'll just say this. I like DC. I like most District of Columbians. But, I am not averse to making the trip up I-95 and stomping a redneck sized mudhole in someone's ass. Y'see, us here backwoods country folk don't take too kindly to havin' our kin threatened. I mean, for fuck's sake, did no one learn anything from Next of Kin? Now, I realize that The Playaz have already begun their campaign against their Washingtonian transgressors, but I'm just sayin'...if a missle hits anywhere within 50 miles of the Triangle area, there's gonna be hell to pay.

I am in the process of mobilizing Steve America and his Team America. Steve will likely bring along Dan...Yelle America, who is suffering from post-partum sleeplessness, so she would kill a man just as soon as look at him. Woe unto those who rankle her ire.

If that wasn't enough, communiqués were sent north to Philly engaging my mob ties with Paulie Walnuts. Runners have also been dispatched to the hills of Ken-Tuck-Eee, calling forth my Appalachain Highlander Brigade, led by the Neal Clan.

I realize that with the massing of my collective might, the potential n'er-do-wells in Washington have likely shit themselves. I am deferring any tactical strikes at this point as my marshalling of forces is purely defensive. That said, because of my exposure to a prodigious amount of Chivas Regal and a healthy dose of gamma rays, when angered, strange physiological changes take place. The skin tints, pork chop sideburns and a healthy fu manchu materialize, and the most handsome afro you ever did see appears. Passages from Ezekial are then quoted, and people start to die. So missle-launchers ought tread carefully.

If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions