Women And Their Crazy Rules
I am concerned that something is wrong with me. Or that maybe I'm more of a stereotypical dude than I thought I might be. If you've followed the blog, you know about Friend Of a Friend (FOF). Last night, she came over after work for a run and some dinner (BTW, she did a good job of keeping up on the run...bonus points). After Mexican (and exhanging fajita burps for a good hour), we hang out, talk, and start to make out on the couch. Tangent here: Is making out still an acceptable term for extended periods of kissing and petting? So somewhere during that make out session, she essentially offers up The Secks™ on a silver platter. With one catch. She wants a commitment and to hear that we are exclusive before jumping into Ye Olde Sack. Now, we've only been going out for three weeks. Things are going fantastic. There is a definite click there. But something held me back from saying, I want to date you and only you, so lets play Hide and Seek with Sethro Jr. Now, she's fine with a casual (read: non-sexual) relationship at this point. I am too, but I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be able to hold out without testosterone seeping from my pores.
That begs the question: Where is this sudden fear of commitment coming from? I don't feel like I have a fear of commitment. Is it my relationship ADHD? Am I turning into one of those, the grass is always greener, people? God, kill me now if I am.
That begs the question: Where is this sudden fear of commitment coming from? I don't feel like I have a fear of commitment. Is it my relationship ADHD? Am I turning into one of those, the grass is always greener, people? God, kill me now if I am.
posted by sethro at 9:41:00 AM
12 Comments:
'making out' is acceptable if you still use the word 'petting' - ;)
as far as the secks.. like you said in previous posts and has been validated by those who know you well it seems (Steve America) - why rush into something now when you finally seem to be able to enjoy your new found freedom? I can't tell you, but you seem happy presently. :)
Ah, the FOF has the same game I have. Interesting. Smart girl.
Paul - I always like the word petting. As for your other comment, if you ever say something that makes sense again, I'm going to drive up to Philly and kick your dogs. Goddamned rational people. The nerve. Actually, the problem is, I don't have any real desire to go in search of the reclusive animal known only as, the single woman, yet I can't bring myself to commit.
Kristin - Damn women and their wily games. What, do you people have some sort of handbook or something?
Bees - One, she does have a Mr. Ticklebottom. Two, I'm not sure I could knowingly be that assholish, going into it with the intent to hit and run.
Steve - Yes, I did trademark the word you invented. You made no effort to trademark the term youself, so I have laid claim to it. Besides, you still owe me a metric fuckton of money for the use of fucktard.
What are you worried about?
Do you have 5 women lined up outside your door or something?
Stop fearing commitment and get laid!
No, no book. This is a lesson only learned by sleeping with guys you think will soon be your BF, only to have them disappear days later. Even those jerky guys will not be asshole enough to commit and then break up two weeks later. She's probably learned this lesson the hard way.
That said, no reason why you can't try a relationship with her on for size... If it doesn't work out, or you meet someone else, no problem, you break up. I don't know why this decision is so hard for guys--it's not like you guys have to marry each other or anything...
Obviously, you're responding to something there that's preventing you from doing jumping up and down in an enthusiastic YES. Here are a few reasons to consider:
a. Three weeks is an expression of time. How's the depth? Do you actually know FOF? Are you guys starting to connect on an intimate level? Not really hearing it...maybe you do need that after all (per "more stereotypical dude than I thought" comment)?
b. Was her caveat/requirement honest, sincere, from the heart, or did you feel it's a competition...an attempt to control an uncertain situation?
c. What are you looking for? If it's 'whatever comes for however long? If so, then say YES, take the goods, enjoy it while it works- when it doesn't- you'll both know. If it's a more meaningful, long lasting relationship- then there's plenty of time for Secksing up (trade-marked, I know)...but there's only one beginning and only one chance to take things slowly, create "remember when" strings, and test if this is something that's right for you.
Yours truly,
Datingirl
I went through this exact same thing just recently, where I was the one who wanted the bf commitment pre-Secks.
It's not a game. It's about knowing that the fellow you're with is willing to give things an honest try AND not have The Secks with other women.
If you don't want to commit to that, don't. But it's not exactly marriage.
Geez. Boyz.
Kristin - We've talked about it, and she has been burned in the past. That's why she's unwilling to open up in an intimate manner. I do think I have some understanding on why I have this fear of commitment right now. I'm going to try to post on it tonight.
Datingirl - To answer:
a. The depth is actually amazing for a three week timespan. Communication is open and intimate.
b. Her caveat is definitely sincere. She's been hurt badly in the past and doesn't want a repeat performance.
c. I guess I'm looking for the total package...well, and to have fun finding it. Interesting advice...and some that I might take.
Jamy - I recently re-remembered that women, unless they make it explicitly known that they're into a casually sexual relationship, do not enjoy sharing. I understand her reasonings and respect them...that's why I'm not pressing matters.
Phil - Words of wisdom from the Playaz. Hmm...Occam's Razor...who knew?
Many of us are just wired that way, luv. Many of us are not into having The Secks the way men do - we attach a different value.
There is always, of course, Craig's List Casual Encounters. ;)
Siryn - My sister keeps telling me the exact same thing. Go figure, women are wired differently than men. Amazing that the human race has survived as long as we have.
Well, as the saying goes, "It's a man's world."
That hasn't really changed.
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