The (Holiday) Weekend Recap 12.28.05
Well, like a couple of idiots (read: men), Steve America and I braved the mall for some Last Minute Christmas Shopping™. Steve ended up breaking a little girl's arm because she wouldn't get out of our way, but honestly, the little bitch should've known better. Team America doesn't play when it comes to Last Minute Christmas Shopping™. That said, and not to be outdone, the elderly whore who tried to cut Steve off while on line at New York and Co. should step the fuck back if she thinks I won't choke a bitch with their own oxygen cord. After laughing at mall security as they wondered how to deal with us, we finally wrapped up and made our exit.
Mr. America insisted that Wings 'n Beer™ were in order, so we headed to MacGregor. Enjoyed said Wings 'n Beer™.
Remainder of the evening consisted of playing, Goddammit, Stop Biting Me!, with Kiko, and chatting on the phone with PhD Girl (who is in New Orleans for the holidays).
Saturday
Well, Saturday is essentially my Christmas day since all I have is my family, and we happen to do our Family Dinner and Gift Exchange™ on Christmas Eve. So, like any good man does, I finish wrapping presents about 3 minutes before I walk out the door. Meh, who the fuck am I kidding...I didn't finish. Mom received her present in a lovely holiday Bed, Bath, and Beyond bag. She didn't seem to mind, however.
Arrive at my Sissy's house and am immediately accosted by the niece and nephews. The youngest, Luke, whom I affectionately have nicknamed, Terd Ferguson, decides to recreate a scene from one of the Rocky movies, using my package as a speed bag. That was fun. Anyway, we enjoy some holiday grub and open presents. I get some nice things, but I'm more excited that Jojo, my sister's middle child, takes me aside and tells me, Uncle Sethro, my favorite present is the Batman you got me. Hey...quit looking at me. I'm not crying, I just have something in my fucking eye. *grumble* Damn kids.
Came home and did nothing.
Sunday
Christmas Day! Immediately wish that PhD Girl wasn't out of town, and instead was there with me. I call and wish her a Merry Christmas.
Ho, ho, ho, bitches...
I drive back over to my Sissy's to see what the kids received from Santa. I'm greeted by an outpouring of toys. Hot Wheels Cars, Bratz Dolls, GI Joe Figures, Star Wars Lightsabers, Nintendo DS's, Barbie Karaoke Machines, Spiderman Fuirniture, Lego's, Coloring Books. Honestly the list is too enormous to document here...I'm pretty sure that if I did attempt to list everything, then tried to publish, Blogspot would give me some, Your Post Is Too Fucking Big error. Anyway, it was fun, even though I was transmogrified from Uncle Sethro to The Guy Who Opens Toys™. Seriously, I was literally bombarded with, OPEN MINE NEXT!, about a hundred times. I will say this. Hasbro, Playskool, Mattel, Bandai, and Fisher-Price can all suck my left nut. Has anyone tried to open toys these days? One really needs wire cutters, a Makita cordless drill, six vials of Hydrochloric acid, and a couple sticks of TNT to effectively get into the toy packaging in order to remove the doll, action figure, or miscellanous trinket. I got the fuck out of there before I was tasked with putting shit together.
The rest of the afternoon and evening consisted of taking Puppy Bear on a walk and chatting again with PhD Girl. If nothing else, it was a relaxing holiday weekend.
Speaking of PhD Girl, I'm still hesitant to talk too much about it on The Brain Dump. I can say with certainty that I haven't felt quite this way about someone before, given the short amount of time we've known each other. I am very much diving in head first, guard down, and not only do I like it, I can't get enough. Heartbreak be damned. And all that shit.
Peace on Earth, good will towards men, and get crunk on New Year's Eve.
Lates.
posted by sethro at 10:03:00 AM
8 Comments:
Steve, Waitaminute...you guys have been together for how long, and she didn't get The Sarcasm™? Childbirth must've played havoc with her hormones.
sethro - I seriously think this is the funniest post you've ever done. My coworkers must think I'm crazy because they can hear me laughing from my office.
Did you guys actually step inside New York & Co.? I would have paid to see that!
As far as PhD girl, go for it. If you care about her let her know. If you miss her let her know. Everything else will fall in place.
I`m thinking that next year, I might market ninja-stars with christmas-y charm...perfect for flinging at irritating folks at the mall.
In re: PhD girl-- I don`t blame you for being reluctant to discuss. I find as soon as I mention someone publicly, the whole thing falls spectacularly apart. That being said, I hope it is as good as it seems, and that she comes back to NC in time for the New Year`s smooch.
VP, Thanks for the compliment :)
As for New York & Co., yes, we actually stepped foot inside. In fact, I believe that Steve America bought one of everything for dear Mrs. America.
Regarding PhD Girl, I've told her. All that and more. She feels the same. I've been doing mental backflips all week.
Vespertine, Welcome, and yes shuriken would've been great this holiday season for warding off asshats and fucktards while shopping. Good call.
At least I'm not alone in thinking there may be some sort of blog voodoo involved here. I'm still reticent to disclose too much. She is coming back early (Friday, in fact), so NYE smooches will absolutely be in order.
Do you feel that you jinxed things with FOF by blogging about her?
Don't be superstitious, now.
You wrote, "the elderly whore who tried to cut Steve off while on line at New York and Co. should step the fuck back if she thinks I won't choke a bitch with their own oxygen cord." YOU'RE HILARIOUS!! I laughed out loud at the visuals on that one. :)
Stolie - he's really not that funny... seriously.. ;) He's pretty spiteful and hateful though.. I can see why the ladies like him so.
Siryn, No, I don't feel that if I hadn't blogged about FOF some sort of chemistry would've developed. Just a little reticent to tempt the Blog Gods. Like a modern day Icarus though, I'll be writing about her, despite said gods.
Stolie, Thanks ;) Imagine, if you will, a size 11 boot in the middle of the back, pulling on both ends of the oxygen cord like the reins of Santa's sleigh. Good times.
Paul, You're just mad because you used to be the spiteful and hateful one. Nyah!
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