Coasting
Monday night, Diane Mandy and I laughed at my fortune from the Vietnamese restuarant.
When you begin to coast, you're on the downgrade.
I looked at it and thought, what the fuck does that mean?
When you begin to coast, you're on the downgrade.
I now know. FOF and I broke up tonight. We had planned to have dinner this evening and just hang out a bit since she's been out of town this week. After dinner, we began discussing what she said on that Tuesday night phone call, and the status of our relationship after she asked if she could spend the night and I failed to answer her. In the following dialogue, I noted that over the last two weeks, I had tried to analyze what my feelings were, in hopes that we could coast along until I figured things out.
When you begin to coast, you're on the downgrade.
Amazing how vividly poignant that statement is now. I was coasting, in hopes of realizing how I truly felt, and all the while, I was on that downgrade. I was in that point of the relationship promontory where I had crested the summit and was now headed towards the base in a manner that precluded any chance for an about face ascent.
She took everything about as well as I could've hoped. I keep wondering if I made a mistake. I feel in my heart that I did not, but my mind, which continues to review FOF's near perfect criteria as a girlfriend, makes me speculatively hesitant to feel 100% behind this decision. Hell, she said herself that sometimes two people can meet all the relevant checks and requirements, but one could still not feel that allure needed to drive a relationship. She is smart and honest with herself, but I know that doesn't lessen her heartbreak. She will deal with this and be fine, so I know that I need to refrain from beating myself up. Sometimes, being single isn't very fun at all.
I guess it could be worse. Kiko could've pissed her crate while FOF and I were talking. Wait, that did happen. Can't really think of a more suitable scenario to parallel the night.
When you begin to coast, you're on the downgrade.
Hopefully, I can find another path up to the zenith of these treacherous slopes.
When you begin to coast, you're on the downgrade.
I looked at it and thought, what the fuck does that mean?
When you begin to coast, you're on the downgrade.
I now know. FOF and I broke up tonight. We had planned to have dinner this evening and just hang out a bit since she's been out of town this week. After dinner, we began discussing what she said on that Tuesday night phone call, and the status of our relationship after she asked if she could spend the night and I failed to answer her. In the following dialogue, I noted that over the last two weeks, I had tried to analyze what my feelings were, in hopes that we could coast along until I figured things out.
When you begin to coast, you're on the downgrade.
Amazing how vividly poignant that statement is now. I was coasting, in hopes of realizing how I truly felt, and all the while, I was on that downgrade. I was in that point of the relationship promontory where I had crested the summit and was now headed towards the base in a manner that precluded any chance for an about face ascent.
She took everything about as well as I could've hoped. I keep wondering if I made a mistake. I feel in my heart that I did not, but my mind, which continues to review FOF's near perfect criteria as a girlfriend, makes me speculatively hesitant to feel 100% behind this decision. Hell, she said herself that sometimes two people can meet all the relevant checks and requirements, but one could still not feel that allure needed to drive a relationship. She is smart and honest with herself, but I know that doesn't lessen her heartbreak. She will deal with this and be fine, so I know that I need to refrain from beating myself up. Sometimes, being single isn't very fun at all.
I guess it could be worse. Kiko could've pissed her crate while FOF and I were talking. Wait, that did happen. Can't really think of a more suitable scenario to parallel the night.
When you begin to coast, you're on the downgrade.
Hopefully, I can find another path up to the zenith of these treacherous slopes.
posted by sethro at 10:24:00 PM
5 Comments:
Wow. I'm sorry to hear about the breakup. At the same time, it sounds like it's something that you've known you needed to do for a quite while now ...
By the way, I *LOVE* that quote.
I've never figured out whether it's better to be the dumper or the dumpee. I think they suck equally. I'm sorry you had to go through it, but stolie's right, it sounded like you already knew you had to, but just hadn't resolved yourself to actually end it.
That was a brilliantly written post by the way.
Stolie, I don't know if it was something I felt I needed to do for awhile, or the uncertaintly was just so profound. Either way, what's done is done. As for the quote, I laughed at first because I couldn't find an application for it in my life. What a difference 4 days makes.
Finy, I can tell you that right now, it sucks to be the dumper. I wish sometimes that I was a little more assholish and could do things like this without care, but honestly, this sort of thing tears me up. Oh, and thank you so much for the kind words!!!
Steve, you may be right, and I could potentially kick myself for not taking your advice (again!). That said, at least maybe the blog won't be so boring if I start juggling women again.
Although breaking up sucks whether you are the one being dumped or the the dumper...it is often times necessary.
You can't stay with someone if it doesn't feel right. We often like to think that things will get better or your feelings will evolve...but deep down we know the truth.
No matter how "perfect" the person seems...if it isn't right...it isn't right.
I don't know you and I am new to your blog, but I suspect that you will be fine...and so will she.
Good luck!
Very well written, my friend.
It reminds me of an episode of the now-defunct Ally McBeal. The church minister that recurred on the show was dating the musical director, and then broke up with her. Not only did she sing about her brokenheartedness in church, she almost sued for sexual harassment and Ally was asked to step in and mediate the dispute.
The poignant part is this: when confronting the issue, he finally broke and said to her something along these lines: I just don't have passion for you. I have loved lesser women with far greater intensity. You deserve more. He didn't want to hurt her, but he had to break it off. She took it about as well as anyone could, but it was the truth and she knew it. She accepted it.
Sorry, FOF.
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