I Just Want Your Extra Time And Your...Kiss
I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.
~Chico Marx
I believe that kissing is a lost art. In my recent singledom, I've noticed that I've either become a snob when it comes to smooches, or women just don't know how to kiss anymore. I mean, we're not talking rocket science here, and most women have enough experience in kissing that they should know what to do. For fuck's sake, I've been with women who were holy terrors in the sack, but who had no idea what to do when it came to the osculatory arts.
Are we talking laziness here? Do women just not care if they are good kissers? I can't believe this is the case. I have to think that women take great care in their kissing styles. Perhaps they've received shit advice from their pecking partners? Or maybe its just that their male counterparts have been horrible kissers, and they've adapted? Kissing evolution? Meh.
I guess I am just being highbrow when it comes to kissing. That said, there's more to kissing than a little tonsil wrasslin' and tongue sucking. Fuck it. Maybe I just need to teach a class. A little marketing; a late night television promo, perchance. I'll be the Tony Little of kissing. Shit, who could turn down becoming a master of the osculatory arts for FOUR low payments of only $19.95? I'll see if my people can contact an out-of-work actress to serve as my spokeswoman or maybe even hostess for the TV spot. I'm going to shoot for Kristy Swanson, but I have a feeling I'll be stuck with goddamned Cheryl Tiegs or some such.
Now that my high horse has been ridden thoroughly, I'll acknowledge that I could potentially be wrong about all this, and that kissing styles are all relative. That everyone likes what they like, so that's what they do. However, if that's the case, I figure that I need to start practicing my tongue fucking, because ol' Sethro missed the memo where that particular practice rose to the top of the arousal charts.
Editor's Note: Scratch all that clowning on Cheryl Tiegs shit. I'd do her 50 year old GILF ass in a country minute.
~Chico Marx
I believe that kissing is a lost art. In my recent singledom, I've noticed that I've either become a snob when it comes to smooches, or women just don't know how to kiss anymore. I mean, we're not talking rocket science here, and most women have enough experience in kissing that they should know what to do. For fuck's sake, I've been with women who were holy terrors in the sack, but who had no idea what to do when it came to the osculatory arts.
Are we talking laziness here? Do women just not care if they are good kissers? I can't believe this is the case. I have to think that women take great care in their kissing styles. Perhaps they've received shit advice from their pecking partners? Or maybe its just that their male counterparts have been horrible kissers, and they've adapted? Kissing evolution? Meh.
I guess I am just being highbrow when it comes to kissing. That said, there's more to kissing than a little tonsil wrasslin' and tongue sucking. Fuck it. Maybe I just need to teach a class. A little marketing; a late night television promo, perchance. I'll be the Tony Little of kissing. Shit, who could turn down becoming a master of the osculatory arts for FOUR low payments of only $19.95? I'll see if my people can contact an out-of-work actress to serve as my spokeswoman or maybe even hostess for the TV spot. I'm going to shoot for Kristy Swanson, but I have a feeling I'll be stuck with goddamned Cheryl Tiegs or some such.
Now that my high horse has been ridden thoroughly, I'll acknowledge that I could potentially be wrong about all this, and that kissing styles are all relative. That everyone likes what they like, so that's what they do. However, if that's the case, I figure that I need to start practicing my tongue fucking, because ol' Sethro missed the memo where that particular practice rose to the top of the arousal charts.
Editor's Note: Scratch all that clowning on Cheryl Tiegs shit. I'd do her 50 year old GILF ass in a country minute.
posted by sethro at 3:36:00 PM
9 Comments:
Maybe you can tell from the kiss if she's really that into you. Sometimes you can...
And girls aren't the only bad kissers. Some guys are content to just stick their tongue in your mouth and then.... what? If you want to have any fun, you've got to do all the work.
Ah well...
Bad kissing a major pet peeve of mine. I've written about it. Take a look and tell me if it helps.
http://gratefuldating.blogspot.com/2005/07/kissing-styles.html
http://gratefuldating.blogspot.com/2005/07/how-to-kiss.html
And, I can't believe women are the main offenders. Oh no. Oh no.
ive learned that being subtle in training is the kiss (pun intended) of death. here are 2 alternate techniques: (1)pretend they are a hooker and tell them "i dont kiss". given the nature of wanting what one can not have, she will survey her friends, and perhaps enlist them for practice, until she is properly experienced; or (2) much like one would send a dog to training camp -- encourage her to kiss many many many other people and return to you when properly trained.
well, i've been told i'm a good kisser, but i've kissed some guys who had no idea what they were doing.
i had a kissing ball at my holiday party and it was good stuff!
merry christmas! i hope santa brings you kristy swanson, hehe.
Poor baby. What a trial it must be. I've found, for some of the men I've dated, if you don't like their style, try telling them not to kiss you back, just to let you kiss them. Show them what you like. If it works, you've properly trained your latest party girl. If not, kick her ass to the curb and start trolling at the local college. Gotta get em young!
Merry Christmas sweetie. Hope you have a good one.
Oh my God...a kissing snob? you're such a girl....:)
dating girl wins today with the funny statement...
Though Carrie's ending thought is pretty good... as Wooderson would say, "That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."
Merry Christmas you plick :)
I. Love. Kissing!!!!! ;)
I have encountered some bad kissers in my day! It's the worst! I think kissing is so intimate and telling. It's is pathetic when you meet someone that you really want to kiss and then when you do...it's awful! I think that some people just don't realize how imporant kissing is or they are just rushing the kissing to get to the sex. Either way...it's just sad.
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