The Weekend Recap 12.05.05
Friday
I have a date with FOF. She had asked me to go to her company Christmas party and I agreed. I met a few of her co-workers and her boss and his wife. The boss is actually a good guy and we get along famously. We have several drinks and an excellent dinner, then FOF and I head back to my house. Once there she strikes up a conversation about how she believes I feel about her. I'm pretty shocked because she pegs me like no one else has ever pegged me. I mean, I usually get the, I just can't figure you out, speech from most women...you know, playing the silent, mysterious type. So what did she say? How about this: I think you believe that you've reached your limit on how you feel about me. I feel like we were walking along, progressing the relationship, and while I kept walking, you stopped somewhere along the way. But I'm not going to stop trying to woo you, and I don't want you to give up on us just yet. I'm a little speechless. She leaves a short time later to house-sit for a friend.
Saturday
Christmas shopping. Ugh. I don't normally have an issue with shopping. But dealing with all those people makes me want to put a butterknife through someone's temple.
Uneventful night. Just a little relaxation.
Sunday
Figured I'd cut to the chase and get to all the good introspection. FOF comes over a little after lunchtime and we head to the mall so that I can pick up a present for my sister. Afterwards, we go see Walk the Line, the Johnny Cash biopic.
Let me just have an aside here for a moment, and say that this was an amazing movie. Joaquin Phoenix's portrayal is fantastic, eeriely so. I highly recommend.
During the ride back to my house, we're both quiet. She's obviously perceptive to have pegged me like she did on Friday night, so she knows that something isn't right. FOF leaves shortly after we arrive to give me some space. Its probably a good thing, because I really didn't want to be around anyone at that time.
I don't know what it all means outside of believing that this relationship isn't going to go very far. There is something missing. She has nearly everything I'm looking for in a partner. Looks, smarts, humor, great sex. Hell, even Kiko likes her. We are missing that chemistry however. Or more to the point, I am. I am virtually passionless in this relationship. I have fun with her, and we share some good laughs, but at the end of the day, I know that this isn't someone that I want to be with long term.
I'm pretty perceptive in knowing whether a relationship is or isn't going somewhere. I've always been fairly quick to end one if I felt it was a short term thing. Its easy to look back on the women that I've had strong feelings for, and note how I felt during those times. I thought about that last night, and the melancholy set in. That there could be a woman who meets all the girlfriend criteria and she's right in front of me, but for some reason, I'm just not that into her. I don't believe I'm being guarded. I know there is nothing wrong with her. I know that I'm ready for a relationship, but I keep waiting to be overwhelmed by someone. I want to be knocked off my feet. *sigh* Perhaps I'm fooling myself, and I really am an immovable object. That no one will be able to knock me off my feet.
I know I sound like a whiny little shit. I guess I'm just a little frustrated because I don't remember things being this wierd. Anyone got a valium? 'Cuz this whole breaking up part is the worst.
I have a date with FOF. She had asked me to go to her company Christmas party and I agreed. I met a few of her co-workers and her boss and his wife. The boss is actually a good guy and we get along famously. We have several drinks and an excellent dinner, then FOF and I head back to my house. Once there she strikes up a conversation about how she believes I feel about her. I'm pretty shocked because she pegs me like no one else has ever pegged me. I mean, I usually get the, I just can't figure you out, speech from most women...you know, playing the silent, mysterious type. So what did she say? How about this: I think you believe that you've reached your limit on how you feel about me. I feel like we were walking along, progressing the relationship, and while I kept walking, you stopped somewhere along the way. But I'm not going to stop trying to woo you, and I don't want you to give up on us just yet. I'm a little speechless. She leaves a short time later to house-sit for a friend.
Saturday
Christmas shopping. Ugh. I don't normally have an issue with shopping. But dealing with all those people makes me want to put a butterknife through someone's temple.
Uneventful night. Just a little relaxation.
Sunday
Figured I'd cut to the chase and get to all the good introspection. FOF comes over a little after lunchtime and we head to the mall so that I can pick up a present for my sister. Afterwards, we go see Walk the Line, the Johnny Cash biopic.
Let me just have an aside here for a moment, and say that this was an amazing movie. Joaquin Phoenix's portrayal is fantastic, eeriely so. I highly recommend.
During the ride back to my house, we're both quiet. She's obviously perceptive to have pegged me like she did on Friday night, so she knows that something isn't right. FOF leaves shortly after we arrive to give me some space. Its probably a good thing, because I really didn't want to be around anyone at that time.
I don't know what it all means outside of believing that this relationship isn't going to go very far. There is something missing. She has nearly everything I'm looking for in a partner. Looks, smarts, humor, great sex. Hell, even Kiko likes her. We are missing that chemistry however. Or more to the point, I am. I am virtually passionless in this relationship. I have fun with her, and we share some good laughs, but at the end of the day, I know that this isn't someone that I want to be with long term.
I'm pretty perceptive in knowing whether a relationship is or isn't going somewhere. I've always been fairly quick to end one if I felt it was a short term thing. Its easy to look back on the women that I've had strong feelings for, and note how I felt during those times. I thought about that last night, and the melancholy set in. That there could be a woman who meets all the girlfriend criteria and she's right in front of me, but for some reason, I'm just not that into her. I don't believe I'm being guarded. I know there is nothing wrong with her. I know that I'm ready for a relationship, but I keep waiting to be overwhelmed by someone. I want to be knocked off my feet. *sigh* Perhaps I'm fooling myself, and I really am an immovable object. That no one will be able to knock me off my feet.
I know I sound like a whiny little shit. I guess I'm just a little frustrated because I don't remember things being this wierd. Anyone got a valium? 'Cuz this whole breaking up part is the worst.
posted by sethro at 2:18:00 PM
3 Comments:
Awww Sethro. I'm sorry. You know your own feelings best, so if it's not there it's not there.
I just read "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken." Great book. Something is broken between you and FOF (lack of chemistry) and there's nothing you can do to repair that.
People often forget that the person who does the breaking up can be deeply affected by the situation as well. It's OK to feel bad, but it will get better.
Hate to say it, luv, but this time I think it really is you, not her. What I mean by that is that you're just not ready for the long term thing yet - and that's okay. You know it in your heart of hearts, and she can feel it. You gave it a shot because you like her a lot, but something is missing. Candidly, the missing part may just be YOU.
You don't have to be ready right now - you are just ready when you're ready, and the most fabulous woman in the world can't change that. I'm sorry, because she sounds pretty fabulous.
In all of this, you must simply do the right thing and be honest with her, don't bullshit her. Show her respect, and you'll both be the better for it.
Breaking up sucks, but being alone in a relationship sucks worse. It's a win-win situation in disguise.
Cheer up, luv. Just do the right thing.
VP, Thanks for the kind words. Perhaps I should take a look at the book. Hell, I can use all the help I can get at this point. All I know is that I'm gonna get an ulcer over something that should be pretty fucking binary.
LG, you know I will. *lick*
Siryn, I'm beginning to wonder if that's my problem. The past week has been odd because I've had a wandering eye. And I don't normally get a wandering eye in a relationship. So that's telling.
Whatever happens, I will be honest with her. She deserves that.
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